Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
