just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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