I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize