I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
You've changed since you got that strap on
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
