so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
