i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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