thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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