brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
are you so shy because you have an std?
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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