apparently the secret to your success is patron
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Your cock deserves a montage
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
