Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
