This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize