she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
