I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
