Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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