I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
