i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
there is glitter all over my balls
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize