The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
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