Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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