haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Randomize
