I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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