At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
