Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I love having hate sex.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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