is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
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