So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
