Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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