He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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