Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
