I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
