I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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