Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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