You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
He passed out mid-signature
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
