Who did Billy Mays play for?
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
You can't just leave with hair like that
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
