East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
