It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Four minutes until I can fart!
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I party with great urgency now.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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