I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Randomize