this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
