guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
