Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
