One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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