There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize