i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
When are your genitals available?
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Randomize
