remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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