Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
