Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
A bitchslap is in order.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
