Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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