I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
