I think I am morally bankrupt
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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