Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
And then my night got REAL pukey
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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