you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Randomize
