I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
i need some magic done to my vagina
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
