Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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