Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
