why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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