I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
