I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize