I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
