If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
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