Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
