Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Even my vagina gasped.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
