I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
