Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
we should paint friendship bongs
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
