It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
