Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize