Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
