all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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