I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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